Entertaining the elderly

Well it`s been quite a while since I have posted anything. The reason? I tend to find that the less I have to do the less I want to do. When you have a whole day ahead of you and you have absolutely no idea how on earth you are going to fill it motivation levels tend to slip below zero.

This morning I managed to make cleaning my desk take an hour, despite the fact that I had already cleaned it last week. Filling up time is developing into a bit of an art form!

Anyway enough of that, onto the amusing anecdote...

Last week my friend in Asahi - Koji, asked me if I wouldn`t mind going along to the old people`s home for an hour on Thursday. I had been once before and had met this terminally ill man who had lived in America for 18 years. His English was perfect! I had assumed that my return visit would be centred around talking to him, which would be a pleasure.

That morning Koji had rang and told me that he couldn`t come with me. No problem so far. So I drove to the home and was greeted by two nurses who seemed rather taken aback that I was by myself. Not to worry. I walked with the two ladies and chatted in my stilted Japanese about the weather. Alarms bells didn`t start ringing until we were in the lift. Hang on!! Why are we going up in a lift? I`m sure the last time I stayed on the ground floor.

My suspicions that something was a foot were confirmed when the lift doors opened and I was greeted with a sea of elderly faces. There must have been about sixty of them and the numbers grew as more and more seemed to be coming out of various doors and taking a seat.

I knew what fate awaited me - an hour of entertaining the elderly!!

Now, I have since found that entertaining the elderly is very different to entertaining kids. Firstly the elderly lack the type of `genki` energy that you get from Elementary school kids. There are a vast arsenal of games which can be used efficiently and effectively with little children that you can`t use with granny. Secondly, an elderly crowd have seen it all. They`ve lived a long time and they can sense fear. They want a high-quality introduction. They know where England is, they`ve seen a foreigner before, maybe some have even visited a foreign country. This type of crowd want facts not silly faces. With an elementary crowd you can get away with saying something silly and acting like a clown, but the elderly crowd want some hard info. They want to know how big England is, what cultural sites are there, the history, socio-political anecdotes...not just how old you are and whether you have a girlfriend.

I bombed. My comedy repertoire which usually worked a dream at elementary school went down a lead balloon with this crowd. Every word, every gesture was sucked from me; the less reaction I got, the harder I tried - flailing arms and shouting, laughing hysterically. I must have looked like a complete goon.

Of course the cameras were rolling. Like with every visit I do there is always a sly camera snapping away recording the ensuing madness. No doubt footage with be leaked to the local media - my insane grin captured in a photograph within the local newspaper.

15 minutes into my hour-long stand-up routine and even the staff were squirming and quickly stepped in to do some damage limitation. This involved passing a balloon around and throwing hoops. It proved far more popular than my previous efforts.

But unlike the comedy clubs found in England where a dying comedian is met with derisive laughter and abusive heckles, I was passed off with polite applause and niceties. My limited Japanese ability was even complimented on.

Thought for the day - The elderly are a daunting but forgiving crowd.